


A Year is a Long Time for a Break

by phoenixyfriend



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: (It's left unclear as to which one applies), Aromantic Character, Demiromantic Character, Discussion of Past Traumas (vague), F/M, Friendship, Other, Romance, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend/pseuds/phoenixyfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lack of communication was what killed their relationship the first time around, and she's not particularly willing to try again, even if his feelings on the matter may be different. But they're still trying to be friends, and that works to mend a lot of broken bridges and make them closer than romance ever did their first time 'round the block.</p><p>Somehow, they always end up just talking on the roof.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Year is a Long Time for a Break

Valentine’s Day comes about a month and a half after the party at the end of the world, and as much as Noh-Varr would like to try to give Kate chocolate or flowers, he’s aware of the fact that that would be a terrible idea. Alien or not, he was a diplomat in training for long enough that he knows how he’s _supposed_ to navigate social situations. He’s just not always very good at implementing the knowledge, especially with the loss of Plex, but he does know what to do. Usually.

So when Valentine’s Day rolls up and Noh-Varr remembers that Kate’s gone out to the West Coast as of a week and a half earlier, he doesn’t send anything romantic.

He does, however, remember that Kate got herself into some kind of trouble in the first day, and he’s pretty sure no one’s gone out to help her yet (mostly because Kate has insisted that she can do things on her own). They aren’t necessarily on the best terms anymore, but he’s still part of the team, and he still gets mass texts whenever Kate sends something out to the “Young Avengers” group on her phone.

So when the day dawns, he shakes off the melancholy, takes a trip to New York in stealth mode to pick up what he needs (Barton doesn’t seem happy with him, but that’s to be expected; whatever), and then jets out to LA.

It’s a good thing that he plans for the trip, though. Getting down to Earth would be nigh impossible if he had to do it on the fly.

o.o.o.o.o

With the sheer presence of the Marvel, it’s not surprising that Kate notices him before he lands.

Kate’s waiting on the ground when he lands next the trailer she’s staying in, arms crossed in front of her chest and sunglasses obscuring rather a lot of her face. She cuts an imposing figure, even if she isn’t in uniform.

As soon as he jumps out of the ship, he puts up his hands and preemptively blurts out, “I know what day it is. I’m not trying to get back together.”

Kate raises one eyebrow, but there’s a quirk to her lips and a softness to her stance now, no longer irritated, just amused. “Right. That explain why you’re here, then?”

“I stopped by Barton’s place for some advice, and I brought these.” He opens up the hyperspace pocket in his gauntlets and pulls out a quiver. “I know you don’t want any help, but you don’t have your usual gear. You can give it back once you get your own, if you want, but I’d rather have the comfort of knowing that you’ve got something to work with.”

“Because?” Kate asks, and oh, this is a _test_. A test that he doesn’t know what the right answer is.

“Because a team is meant to care for every member, even if the member runs off to LA. And even without the team, I do care for you, Kate.” He pauses, trying not to make it romantic, because he’s pretty sure she’d hate that. “I’d rather not hear that Masque has turned you into her latest head on the wall.”

Kate snorts, but the look on her face isn’t ‘this is a test’ anymore, so Noh counts it as a win. “So you bought a bunch of arrows and flew them out to me.”

“I assumed you’d have already bought a bow.” Noh hesitates, and then continues. “I have too much time on my hands these days, so I did make a few modifications, since I know you like trick arrows. There are a few in the bottom of the quiver, and they attach automatically.”

Kate examines the gift with a critical eye, and then gestures at Noh-Varr to follow her. “C’mon, Marvel Boy. We’ll get some good light on top of the trailer and you can show me how these toys of yours work.”

Noh-Varr considers saying ‘it would be my pleasure’ for a half-second, but decides that it would really be better to just say, “That sounds like a plan, Hawkeye.”

He doesn’t miss the brief flicker of emotion ( _irritation, pride, fondness, fear_ ) on her face, but it’s gone as soon as it’s come, and with the effort Kate’s putting in to hide it, Noh-Varr _knows_ that pointing it out wouldn’t be a good idea.

“So, what have you been doing since New Year’s?” Kate asks as she clambers up the ladder. “I mean, you’ve gotta be getting money from somewhere.”

“I fix engines on alien ships that come through this and nearby star systems. I believe I’m one of the few on the planet that know _how_ to at the moment, and the only one that is willing to do so without charging ridiculous fees, so I manage to get by with a job every week or two.”

“That rarely?” Kate raises an eyebrow at him as he settles down on the thin metal.

“I don’t have a rent to pay, or taxes, so I don’t need much. Just essentials like food and hygiene products.”

“And your records.” Kate grins wryly, “Must leave you with a lot of free time, though. So you, what, train? Hunt down more music? Buzz SWORD?”

Noh-Varr hesitates for a second, and then, “Yes, but I’ve also had enough free time to begin learning how to play the guitar.”

“Because Johnny Cash?” Kate questions, raising an eyebrow, but it’s teasing. Friendly. It’s not flirty or anything like it was, once, but it’s not angry or accusing (both of which he would still deserve, honestly).

“Amongst other reasons, yes. I’m not very good yet.”

“You and your country music.” Kate grins and then puts the quiver down between them. “Alright, space cowboy, tell me what each of these does and if there’s some sort of labelling system going on, because Clint’s always end up jumbled up, and I end up shooting a slime arrow when I was going for an explosive.”

“That sounds like it could cause some trouble.”

“You have no idea.”

Noh-Varr grabs the quiver and explains the system to Kate, the rotating bottom section with five types of arrowheads, the buttons that controlled which one was currently primed to be attached to an arrowhead, and the hyperspace controls that would allow her to store more arrows than should be possible.

“And you got this… where? And how much did it cost you?” Kate’s looking annoyed now, almost angry, because a gift on Valentine’s Day _could_ be platonic, but not an expensive one. Usually. Noh-Varr wasn’t too clear on the specifics, but he was _trying._

“I made it in my spare time. I didn’t have much else to do, and… well, you’re human, and without the Kree Composite Soul Bow, there’s always a chance that you’ll end up running out of ammunition in the middle of a fight.” Noh-Varr hesitates for a second, and then continues. “I’ve been trying to make things for the team in general in my spare time. This was just the easiest to finish because I already knew how all the components work.”

“What else have you been working on?” Kate asks, her irritation halted for the moment.

Noh-Varr thinks back to the plans on the ship. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to recreate Teddy’s uniform, because he only has the one, and trying to build some sturdier shoes for Tommy since he keeps texting everyone complaints about his wearing down too quickly. I offered to make David something to put on his glasses so that he could use them as an interface, but he refused. I haven’t managed to think up anything the others might need yet.”

Kate muses for a moment, and then, with a smile, says, “If you can speed up a video game system, and the screen that goes with it, enough for Tommy to play, he’d probably propose to you on the spot.”

“I believe David is already working on that project.” Noh-Varr grins, glad that the topic has taken a turn for something less likely to cause an argument. “I do believe he was planning on giving the results to Tommy today, with intentions far more… in line with the holiday’s spirit than what I’ve done.”

Kate’s eyes widen, but she looks excited. “You’re joking. David and Tommy? I knew they were friends before we even met David, but it wasn’t _long_.”

“They work together. I suppose they bonded over that.” Noh bites his lip, not quite hiding his grin. “Also, David _did_ help us chase Tommy across half the multiverse for no apparent reason.”

Kate’s smile widens and she leans forward. “Oh my god, David and Tommy are totally going to be a thing now, aren’t they?”

“It seems that there’s a chance.” Noh-Varr agrees. “Though… I was under the impression that you and Tommy had become a couple during the party at the end of the world? There were a lot of people in the way and the lighting wasn’t the best, but I thought I saw you kiss him when midnight struck…?”

Kate rolls her eyes, but takes the question in stride instead of questioning why he was interested. “Tommy and I have been dancing around each other for years, and that includes the years where he was a bit too young for me to feel comfortable with. We’ve given it a try or two, but nothing ever really lasts, you know? At this point we’re just each other’s temporary rebound and if neither of us is married by forty, we’ll probably just move in together and live out our days like that, but… nah. What you saw at New Year’s was nothing. Just a friend, occasionally with benefits.”

“I see.” Noh-Varr doesn’t, not quite, but he’s learned to accept that humans are just prone to making strange decisions when it comes to their relationships. “So nothing getting in the way of him and David, then.”

“Nothing at all, and thank God for that.” Kate smiles. “What about Teddy and Billy? They’ve been texting me, so I’ve got a general idea of how they been doing, but I haven’t been there, so I don’t really _know_ if anything’s wrong.”

“They are doing well, almost nauseatingly so.” Noh-Varr’s pretty sure that’s how the phrase is supposed to be used. “And I believe America has been trying to find herself some dates among the civilians in New York City.”

“Good for her. I wasn’t sure if she was flirting with me at the party, but apparently whatever she was trying to say wasn’t serious.” Kate runs her hands down the quiver again, and pauses as her hands hit a button that Noh-Varr hasn’t explained yet. He can’t quite hide the wince. “What’s this one do?”

“That one is in case you _do_ run out of ammunition.” He doesn’t elaborate, and he hopes she won’t ask him to, but the look in her eyes is one of dawning realization, and then one of both exasperation and irritation.

“You didn’t.”

“I have no use for it. You do.” Noh turns away, looking at Lucky instead, and the dog perks up at the attention.

“I gave it back to you for a reason.” Kate’s tone is one of reprimand, but she doesn’t seem overly angry.

“I know, but as I said, I have no use for it. I use my guns. You are one of two people I know that use a bow, and I’m not giving it to _Barton_. Please, Kate.” Noh-Varr lifts a hand to his head and rubs the meat of it against his temple. “I’m trying to set things right, _and_ trying to make sure you’re all prepared as well as possible. I’ve got a team to care for now, and care for it I will.”

He’s answered by silence, even as Lucky realizes he’s not getting any treats and settles back down again.

“I’ve got my eye on you, space boy.” Kate says after a pregnant silence. “But I’ll keep the gift. No romance-y-ness today, okay?”

“None at all.” Noh-Varr lifts his hands into the air and shakes his head, which is apparently the right course of action.

“In the spirit of being friends and teammates and not dealing with the romantic bullshit that somehow manages to mess up my life whenever I humor it, how about we get as unromantic a dinner as possible before the night is over?” Kate suggests, and then elaborates as she sees his confusion. “We order in some pizza and lounge around watching Dog Cops.”

“I would not be opposed to such.” Noh-Varr agrees, and the rest of the night passes without incident, mostly just getting greasy, shouting at the TV, and proving that, yes, he _can_ and _will_ gladly eat the pizza box as well, no matter how much Kate laughs and shouts ‘gross!’ while he does so.

When he gets back to the ship, flies off, and reenters his personal orbit path around the planet, the only thought running through his head is how much lonelier the rooms seem than just a few days earlier.

o.o.o.o.o

He doesn’t see Kate again, not for a while, but he _does_ see David and Teddy. Granted, they seem to think his lifestyle, at the moment, isn’t something to be proud of (he’s _wallowing_ , okay, he’s allowed to let himself go for a bit), but they also get him back into doing things, with the Red Hood mess and everything. He tries to contact Kate to help them out, but she’s apparently in San Francisco for the day, with Lucky, and pretty much unwilling to get involved (though he can’t tell if he should be touched or annoyed at the little ‘u got this’ that she adds), though given the distance, it’s rather understandable.

Noh-Varr gets better after that. It’s slow-going (he’s never really had a chance to organically deal with relationship fallout before; Oubliette and Merree both ended with him being tortured, and a number of corpses, and Annie… well, he was more concerned with other things at the time), but he starts hanging out with other members of the team again.

He teaches Teddy some of the Kree language (it’s hard for Teddy, but Noh-Varr is dedicated).

He regularly agrees to race Tommy, even if Tommy inevitably wins (always, always wins); the point seems less ‘I want to race’ and more ‘I want to run with someone that can at least keep up with my jogging speed,’ so Noh doesn’t really mind.

He gets David’s help on some of the stranger damages that come through his outer-space engine repair service, and the two of them stay up to the wee hours of the morning discussing extraterrestrial engine types more than once.

He considers asking America if she could maybe put him into contact with Hala, the one from his original dimension, but eventually scraps the idea and just spars with her until he’s covered in bruises, and she’s covered in superficial scorch marks.

(He doesn’t visit Loki. No one visits Loki, because Loki doesn’t want anyone to visit. This doesn’t sit right with them, but they go on.)

He lives, basically. He goes out and tries to live a normal life instead of marinating in his own self-pity.

That’s when Kate gets back. She comes roaring back into New York with an impressively loud purple vehicle with flames, and news of her new self-sufficiency. And that’s a bit of a blow to the team, no longer being able to rely on her for the days when superheroing does require funds beyond what they have, but some of the other teams manage it, so they can too. Besides, Billy can magic up some of the stuff they need, and most of them have jobs by now, so they’re a bit more capable of things than they would have been just a few years ago. It’s not like they haven’t tried superheroing without Kate’s economic backing before.

Kate’s back in town for a week before she calls him, asking if they can hang out. He knows for a fact that she’s already hung out with some of the rest of the team, and doesn’t really blame her for it; she’s got _history_ with the twins and Teddy, a long list of shared traumas that the rest of them aren’t included in, and they are closer to each other than the rest of them can ever hope to be, and it’s not like there’s any actual barrier of distance with America, not with her powers (not the way there is with him), and she probably got David whenever she snagged Tommy. But she calls him up in the end, and he makes plans to come down again (he’s working on getting a proper permit to get through instead of just using stealth mode and creeping along, but he has to work with SHIELD and the Avengers, and the only reason they’re even _considering_ giving him planet privileges again is the whole Mother mess), and finds her on the roof of the building he remembers as being owned by Clint Barton.

“Heya, space boy.” Kate grins, one hand on her hip and the other on her hat, presumably due to the day’s heavy winds. There’s something off about her grin, but he refrains from asking until a better time. “I was thinking about going to the park. Get some nice memories of the place to write over what happened last time.”

Noh-Varr shrugs, finishes locking up the Marvel, and jumps down to meet her on the roof. There are bloodstains everywhere, and he figures they probably have something to do with why Kate looks… well, not _awful,_ because Kate’s good at covering up evidence of damage and naturally beautiful to boot, but even she can’t hide how affected she is by whatever happened.

“Sure.”

Noh-Varr knows that Kate noticed him looking around at the bloodstains and other damage here on the roof, but she’s just as ready to let the issue lie as he is. Desperate to let the issue lie. Too tired to do anything else.

“C’mon, then.”

So they go to the park. They take the subway and complain good-naturedly about the crowding and delays, and get off and just walk the rest of the way as soon as they get to Manhattan. They get ice cream and stroll, and Noh-Varr gets a balloon out of a tree for a kid, and Kate impresses a trio of second-graders with some acrobatic maneuvers. It’s not a date, Noh-Varr reminds himself constantly, but it’s a nice way to spend the afternoon with a friend.

“So, you seem better than Teddy said you were during that whole incident with the Hood a couple months ago.” Kate says once they’ve sat down on a bench, slouching and eating some of popcorn that’s sold in a couple places in the park. “I was a bit worried when he told me what your place looked like when he found you.”

“Ah.” Noh-Varr winces. “I assure you that I am not normally that bad at cleaning up the ship.”

“I know. I lived on that thing with you for five and a half months, Noh. We all did.” Kate rolls her eyes and tosses some popcorn into her mouth. “But Teddy made it sound like you were almost as bad as Billy was back when… well, the first time the team broke up.”

“I’ve been dealing with my problems since then. Teddy and David were rather… insistent.” That’s a bit of an understatement, but it’s still true.

“I can tell. You look healthier than when you visited me out West.” Kate tilts the popcorn box in his direction, nodding.

“Thank you. Do you mind if I ask what happened out there to make you so insistent on no longer being able to use your father’s money?” Noh-Varr hedges. He’s pretty sure the question doesn’t have anything to do with whatever happened on the roof and made Kate so… off.

Kate puffs her cheeks out and lets out a long breath. “Well, that’s… complicated. Kind of shitty. SHIELD ended up getting involved and basically erased everything I’d done. Basically… well, the trailer I was in got set on fire. I got my revenge by committing some lovely arson on Madame Masque’s mansion. Ended up having to take care of some devil cats that I wasn’t planning on. Had to deal with a Benedict Cumberbatch lookalike that was creeping on me in the cat food aisle. Got arrested a few times. Got run over… but I managed to take a selfie at the right moment to get the guy arrested, so that wasn’t too bad. Found out my dad was financing Masque, so I pretty much decided to never talk to him again. Made some nice friends, and I’m planning on keeping in touch with a few of them. Maybe even the cat food aisle dick.”

“You got run over?” Noh-Varr isn’t sure why he’s so surprised. Kate’s survived worse, but it’s really not that _fun_ , getting run over, especially for a human.

“I’m fine. I avoided the worst of it. The demonic bellboys were worse.” Kate waves his concerns off, and then claps her hands, somehow not disturbing the food in her lap. “So, how about you? I’ve been getting some texts from everyone about how things are going, and I called Billy a couple weeks ago, but communication’s been patchy. Talk to me.”

“I… well, there was a rather large fight going on in the center of the city, and I was unawares at the time because I was ignoring my phone and listening to a few of my records. David and Teddy decided that I needed to know, because Oubliette was involved, and I felt somewhat responsible so I decided to come down and at least see what was going on, even if she was already gone.”

“Wait, scroll back, ‘felt responsible’? You haven’t seen her in years by your own admission, since the whole Mother thing didn’t count.” Kate jabs a finger at him, but it’s not accusatory.

“I believe I was… part of the reason she went from morally grey to outright villain.” Noh-Varr tries to explain in the vaguest way possible.

“Supervillain.” Kate corrects him.

“Yes. That. I didn’t run into her, but we did find a house that was filled with people who had been under the influence of some form of mind-altering substance during the incident with the Watcher’s eye, and now had their heads filled with information. The Hood was trying to keep them out of SHIELD’s hands for multiple reasons, but the point was that he wanted our help with getting all the information out of their heads and into a computer. We chased him for a while and caught up, and he tried to shoot us but that obviously didn’t work, so…” Noh-Varr pauses, trying to scramble the narrative back together.

“What were the reasons?” Kate asks before he could continue.

“His cousin was amongst those affected and would likely die if the information was not removed, and he hoped that some of the information could be used to help his ill mother. Also profit, as we suspected from the outset.”

“I figured.”

“Well, he _is_ a criminal kingpin. Not _the_ Kingpin, but he’s rather influential.” Noh-Varr tried to think back to where he’d been. “He had David build a miniature Cerebro, which David insisted we _not_ refer to as Cerebrat.”

“You did anyway, I’m guessing?”

“Incessantly. And we got all the information removed, so that was good, and David even managed to encrypt it in a manner that the Hood would not be able to decrypt, so the Hood didn’t get to make his profit. I’m not sure if David managed to decrypt the files afterwards. He claimed that he’d forgotten the ‘one time pad,’ but… well. David.”

“He _is_ the smartest person we know.” Kate nods, and then turns her gaze out to the park again. “Ooh, pretty.”

“What is?” Noh-Varr asks, craning his head a bit to see what it is that Kate’s looking at.

“Guy in the blue hat with the green shirt.” She points, and Noh-Varr can see who she’s talking about immediately. Well, ‘people-watching’ in all the wrong ways is one way to make sure the other person remembers the relationship is dead.

(Much as he wishes otherwise.)

(He’s an idiot, he knows, but he can’t help it.)

“Not my type. Too broad.” Noh-Varr likes men, true, but he prefers any partner, whether male or female or something else, to be a bit more… _effeminate_ than he is.

“Mm. Figures.” Kate eats a bit more popcorn, and then points to another part of the park. “Girl in the pink and orange?”

“Look at her arms. Not enough muscle. Too civilian.”

“That’s a thing for you?”

“I’d prefer not to endanger my partner if at all possible.” Noh-Varr explains, feeling as though he’s been put on the spot. “That’s why I’ve mostly dated aliens and super-powered or heavily trained humans.”

“Fair enough.” Kate keeps the pattern up for a while, pointing out person after person and asking Noh-Varr’s thoughts on them. She only seems interested in the men, but she’s clearly trying to get an idea of his type, possibly even trying to set him up.

(He hopes that isn’t the case.)

“Wanna go feed the ducks?” Kate gets to her feet, motioning with her head. It flicks her bangs around a bit, and Noh-Varr resists the urge to straighten them out a bit.

“Is that allowed?”

“Probably not.”

“…Sure.”

They end up getting chased out of the park by a security guard for Noh-Varr’s choice to walk along the fence around the baseball field. They’re both red-faced and laughing once they get out, but it’s nice.

It’s nice to be ‘just friends.’

o.o.o.o.o

Kate keeps meeting up with him, dragging him out to do things with the team and with just each other. Given the pictures she posts online, she’s doing the same with everyone else, and even talks a few of them into trying to kidnap Loki for a day, but that doesn’t really work out. They normally just get pizza and people-watch, or do something else that is invariably too platonic for Noh-Varr to get his hopes up, which he’s thankful for. He gave up on Kate back at the party at the end of the world, and he’s great at understanding the whole ‘just friends’ thing, but his subconscious is a different story.

The point is that the lack of anything even _approaching_ romance is good.

So when she calls him up in early July and tells him to ‘get your pretty-boy alien buttocks down here to watch the fireworks with me while they’re visible, c’mon, you and me,’ he just jumps in the shuttle and comes down to the roof of Barton’s apartment building, mindful of the scattered grills and people. There are more there than he expected, but that’s not a big deal.

“Hey, space boy!” Kate waves him over to where she’s standing next to the grill and cooler. The grill is being run by Barton, who gives him a once-over, but apparently trusts Kate’s judgment enough not to kick him off or out.

“So, Cola? Juice? Beer?” Kate wiggles her own drink, a Pepsi, at him and lightly kicks the cooler. “Whaddaya want?”

“If I wanted to become intoxicated, I would choose to drink antifreeze.” Noh-Varr reminds her, and is rewarded with a grin. “Juice, I think. Do you have peach?”

“Yeah, I figured you’d want some. Made sure to get some organic stuff ahead of time.” Kate tosses him the drink and then points to the roof above the door, where he parked the shuttle. “Wanna watch from up there?”

“I don’t imagine the view would be too different, but I don’t mind. Would you like me to carry you?”

“Eh, yeah. You’ve got wall-crawling, roachie.” She smirks, grabs a folded-up blanket, and hops onto his back, arms and legs laced around him almost uncomfortably tight. “Shout if you need me, boss man!”

“Yeah, whatever, Katie.” Barton waves them off with the metal spatula, and Noh-Varr’s pretty sure he’d choke on his way up the side of the building if he weren’t much sturdier than the average human, simply due to how Kate’s hanging off of him right now.

“So,” Kate says as she spreads the blanket across the shuttle’s roof and lies down, motioning for him to join her. “You ever seen the fireworks for the Fourth of July before?”

“In Central Park, yes. Not here.” He gestures around them, where some of the taller buildings in the area are still visible, even though Brooklyn’s buildings are shorter than Midtown Manhattan. “Are they different?”

“Teensy bit less light pollution, definitely.” Kate thinks it over. “I mean, we can’t really see the Macy’s fireworks all that well from here, but there are some people that set them off in the parks nearby. They’re _technically_ not supposed to, but we just pretend Clint did it and they let him get away with it because he’s an Avenger.”

“I never got that kind of leeway.”

“Oh, shut up.” Kate shoves lightly at his arm, teeth glinting as her lips pull back while she laughs. “C’mon, they’re setting some off really close, so roll over onto your back and we can watch as soon as they start.”

Noh-Varr does just that, and then stares up at the sky. It’s not completely dark out yet, but it’s dark enough that, if he were in the country, he’d be seeing at least a few of the brighter stars by now.

There isn’t anything here.

“I wish we were watching fireworks in Kansas.” He suddenly says, before he can take it back.

“…Because…?” Kate trails off, waiting for the explanation, though she’s probably already figured it out.

“Light pollution, like you said earlier. There’s just so much of it here, and I know I see the stars from my ship all the time, but…”

“But it’s different, watching them from the ground.” Kate knows what he’s talking about. She’s been on the ship. She’s been out in the rural emptiness of the plains states, if only while driving through. “Draw up a plan for a trip and we can see about going to watch the stars from Alaska or something. Maybe catch the Aurora Borealis or something.”

“Really?” He asks, surprised despite himself.

“Sure.” Kate rolls her head to the side so that she can look at him. “I haven’t really gotten a chance to go anywhere exciting since LA, and it seems like something we’d both enjoy, so why not?”

“Mm. I wonder about what the rest would think. I’m sure Billy would enjoy them.” Noh-Varr adds them without thinking, simply _assumes_ they’ll be there.

“If you want to invite them, sure. You don’t have to.” Kate sits up and takes a swig of her drink, eyes on the sky, still. “I trust you not to make things weird.”

“That’s… thank you, Kate.”

“No probs. I think the fireworks are about to start, though.”

o.o.o.o.o

Towards the end of August, Kate invites him over to the roof of the building again, and this time, there’s no one else there. Just the two of them.

Kate’s sitting on the edge of the roof, on that little four-foot brick wall that runs around to make sure no one falls off in the night. There’s a fire escape landing ten feet below her (Noh-Varr knows this, he’s _checked_ , because he needs to know a place he spends so much time in), so she’s safe, but there’s a bottle in her hand and it looks alcoholic.

“Kate?”

“Over here, Noh-Varr.”

Oh, that doesn’t sound good.

He walks over slowly, making sure that his footsteps are audible, and takes a seat next to her.

“I take it that asking ‘are you alright’ would be rather stupid at the moment.” He says, looking straight ahead instead of at her.

“Yeah, just a bit.” Kate’s voice is heavy and clogged, like she’s either sick or has been recently crying. Neither one is a good option.

“Might I ask how many of those you’ve had?” Noh-Varr points to the bottle in her hand, and she glances at it in disinterest.

“Third beer in two hours. Don’t worry, I’m being safe and all that shit.” She swirls the liquid around in the bottle, staring at it.

They sit in silence for a while, with Noh-Varr unwilling to press and Kate just unwilling to talk, until she finally puts the beer to the side and drops her head into her hands.

“Noh, that thing with Mother, with the parents coming back to life.” She pauses, as though unsure of how to continue. He stays silent. “If that whole thing had been… permanent, like they’d come back to life for good and they weren’t evil, but you weren’t ever allowed to see them or talk to them or anything, how would you feel?”

“…Awful, I’d imagine.” Noh-Varr doesn’t like the idea of the dead coming back to life. He’s gotten along well enough with people who’ve died before, like Barton (they’re on speaking terms, anyway) and technically the twins as well, but there was a reason he’d focused on Oubliette instead of Merree, back when they’d all reappeared. The method of reanimation matters more than the reanimation itself, and he hadn’t know how or why Merree had come back, and to ally herself with Mother? It had terrified him. At least with Oubliette, it had been in character, and the girl had been _alive_ already anyway.

Even if they’d been brought back in a way that didn’t strike him as… _evil_ , to be blunt, even if they’d come back permanently and properly, that little caveat at the end about not being able to see them would have hit hard.

“Yeah, well, I figured.” Kate leans to the side, putting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his. “I hate this. I hate this so much.”

“Hate what?” Noh-Varr asks hesitantly, but he’s probably going to be more of a help if he knows what the actual problem was.

Kate is silent for a moment, and her voice, once she does speak, is somewhere between angry and distraught. “We told you about Cassie. And Jonas. The whole Latveria thing that failed miserably.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Right. Well, apparently, Cassie was brought back to life during the whole Axis thing a few months ago. And I’m overjoyed, I am, I really am, but her mother…” Kate’s grip on his arm tightens. “She won’t let us come see her at _all_ , because Cassie died last time because she was on the team. And I get that, I do, but I just… I want to see her. Just once. Hug her, apologize, and go, if that’s all I’m allowed, but I want that much. I want to see my best friend alive again. I have that option and… and she won’t let me take it and… ugh!”

Kate’s head thumps into the side of Noh-Varr’s arm, hard. “Teddy and Billy have each other, and Tommy’s got David, and we told Eli, and his entire family has superhero history and he’s on the other side of the country anyway, but… I can’t talk to anyone else. I’m not talking to my dad. I’m not welcome to talk to my sister anymore, because of the thing with my dad. And Clint’s a great friend, but he’s shit with emotions and he’s got enough of his own problems to deal with.”

“And America?” Noh-Varr asks, because he’s not really sure how close the girls are these days, but she’s got to be a better choice than an ex.

“Not that close to her, don’t know where she is, not much better with emotions than Clint, take your pick.” Kate detaches herself from Noh’s arm for a second, only to loop it over her and push herself up against his side. He starts rubbing comforting circles into her back; that’s a thing people do, right? Right.

“I can’t really give you any advice, Kate.” He dithers for a moment. “You’ve clearly mourned her and moved on, but this situation isn’t one I’ve really dealt with. Any time someone I love has come back, it’s been a mockery of a person, Mother’s blasted creations or Loki’s living hallucinations. The only goal was to destroy, and that’s not an option here.”

“Damn straight it’s not.” Kate mutters against his shirt, her arm wrapping tighter around him.

“I can, however, offer to help you break into her house or find out where she goes to school.”

“I don’t think that’s legal. Particularly since we’re adults and she’s lost a few years.” Kate’s smiling again, even if it’s watery, so Noh-Varr thinks he’s maybe done a decent job.

“Talk to her father?”

“Cassie’s mom hates him even more than she disapproves of us.”

“Get a plane that leaves messages in the sky and demand that they let you see her?”

“I don’t think they’ll pay attention.”

“Figure out which school she’s at and offer to do a presentation on why super-heroing at a young age is a bad idea.”

“I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.”

“Get a job teaching archery at the school?”

“That… is more plausible, but the whole ‘hunt down her school’ bit is still a bit funky to me. Not sure it’s legal. Or moral.”

“Neither is not letting you see your best friend so that you can apologize.”

“It’s not. It’s really, really not.” Kate is quiet for a few moments, her grip on Noh-Varr slowly tightening. He feels a damp spot growing on his chest, and he feels the bottom of his stomach drop out underneath him.

Kate doesn’t show this much emotion. She gasps when appropriate and threatens when she needs to, smiles and laughs and smirks and teases, but she’s closed off. She doesn’t scream if there’s an option to stay in the realm of tranquil fury. She doesn’t get hyper and giddy unless there’s something completely incredible going on. And she absolutely, under no circumstances, does not cry unless it’s absolutely necessary.

It’s absolutely necessary.

Noh slips an arm under Kate’s legs and behind her back, lifting her up and smoothly moving them both the more stable ‘ground’ of the roof. He settles down and puts Kate on his lap, pulling her close and simply letting her cry everything out.

If anyone could have held him after the crash, he would have appreciated it. He likely would have rejected it, but he would have appreciated it nonetheless.

It’s the least he can do for the girl that’s single-handedly helped him turn his life around.

o.o.o.o.o

They hang out more frequently after that, two or three times a week instead of once every week or two plus team meetings. Kate takes him to old favorite haunts of Cassie’s for a while, hoping to ‘accidentally’ bump into the younger girl, but nothing works. A couple weeks later, Kate gets a message from Scott Lang, telling her that Cassie, both parents, and her stepdad have all moved down to Miami. She hurls her phone at the wall in frustration, and Noh-Varr doesn’t see her for a week. Once she finally calls another team meeting and starts moving on like nothing happened, Noh-Varr keeps an eye on her. He knows that she and Teddy and the twins all go off one night to just swallow down the misery somehow, and he’s relieved when they all return seeming vaguely melancholy but more or less alright again.

So it’s really no surprise when Kate invites him down to the roof again in mid-September, when it’s still warm enough to lie down on a blanket and pretend they’re stargazing instead of just staring at a smoggy sky.

“Talk to me.” Kate says during a lull in the conversation, uncrossing and recrossing her legs for the nth time that night.

“About what?” Noh-Varr asks when his brain decides that there’s nothing really there to say.

“A story for a story.” Kate says. “I just… I thought a lot about why we didn’t work out back when we first broke up, and there’s a lot of shit on the plate, but one thing that kept coming back to mind was that we barely knew anything about each other’s pasts. I didn’t know about Oubliette, you only knew that Cassie was a dead teammate, all the heavy stuff, all the personal history, just… whoosh. Right over our heads. I don’t want to get back together, but if talking about what used to be can help the same thing from happening to our friendship, then I want to talk. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but… dammit, I’m tired of losing people.”

Noh-Varr gulps. He’s heard the story of how they found the Scarlet Witch, and he’s sure there are a lot more.

On the one hand, he doesn’t want to be put on the spot. He has the option of backing out, which is good, but Kate’s right about communication being a big thing that they never really managed to get right.

On the other hand, he hasn’t really gotten a chance to talk about a lot of the problems he’s had over the years.

“What do you want to talk about first?”

“Start the most recent thing and work backwards?” Kate suggests, and that sounds like as good an idea as any, so he starts talking about what got him kicked off the planet in the first place. He talks about how he was asked to destroy the Earth and how his trust in his fellow Kree was dismantled, about how he managed to get banished from the Kree and banned from the Earth (which has finally, finally been rescinded, and _might_ have something to do with Clint Barton vouching for him), about Annie and the stupid costume and the wonderful music and just how much he doesn’t like some of the current Avengers.

Kate’s quiet when he finally finishes up. Her hand has somehow managed to find his during the story, fingers lacing through his and letting him use her as an anchor as he relives everything while telling it, squeezing the pain from the memories like oozing pus from a sore. It’s not fun, and it’s not pretty, but it’s so much better than just leaving it there.

Once he’s done, he and Kate just lie there for a few minutes.

“That’s a lot worse than I expected.”

“Earth wasn’t very good to me when I first got here.”

“I can tell.”

Kate waits a while longer before she starts talking. She skips the infamous Latveria mission, and jumps into what happened during the Siege of Asgard. She moves back through the ‘other Young Avengers’ and then skips back a bit more for the Skrull invasion. She mentions her interactions with Eli and Tommy, but only enough to explain the hell that her love life has been since she was fifteen. That manages to cover all the time that Noh-Varr covered, more or less. Neither of them talks about the superhero civil war. They both know what happened then.

It’s getting dark, but they’re on a roll and all these heavy, awful _feelings_ are making their way into the air between them and it’s good. It’s good to let it all out. Noh-Varr hasn’t spoken to _anyone_ , and Kate hasn’t spoken to anyone that wasn’t involved in the situation (maybe Clint, but that goes back to the not-good-with-emotions thing), so it’s refreshing, talking to each other. It’s awful, knowing more and more, but it’s good. They know each other better now. They may still be on their backs and more or less refusing to look each other in the eyes, but they know each other better now.

So they go back further, to their worst days. To Teddy’s mom and what made ‘Mother’ so awful. To Plex’s destruction and Oubliette’s dad. To Nate and Jessica and Kang. To the message, five blocks high, spelling ‘FUCK YOU’ across Manhattan.

To Central Park on a dark autumn afternoon.

To a crash caused by humans and torture without cause.

They’re both shaking by the end. Noh-Varr thinks that maybe they should have stopped at the month of eating trash and the church fire ( _‘you’re the third person I’ve told, now. Don’t make me regret it’_ ), but he’s finally mourning properly, not dealing with it through anger and powering through torture and bottling it up behind bravado and false happiness. He can feel tears, not too many but definitely more than just one or two, running down his face and he’s pretty sure Kate’s the same next to him.

“So.” She says, and her voice is tired, hoarse, cracked with exhaustion. “Let’s try not to do something like this again.”

“Too much?”

“For one day, yeah. Definitely too much.” She hesitates, but then rolls closer and presses against his side. “I need to do something to get back to the present. My mind is too focused on stuff that happened years ago, and I need… I can usually handle it, but this is too much for one day and I _can’t_ , I really can’t.”

“…Same.” Noh-Varr says, and it’s not much, but it’s enough to tell her what he means. “Do you want to stay here on the roof or go somewhere?”

Kate considers it, and, “Out. Something to really get my mind off things. Something a lot less heavy than all of this.”

“Children’s movie?” Noh-Varr hazards. He’s not as good with movies as he is with music.

“You kidding? Those things are awful when you’re an adult, every death is ten times worse than it was when you were a kid. No, we’re going to see whatever the current mindless action flick is, and if that’s not enough, I’ve got a couple of the Die Hard movies.” Kate lurches to her feet and holds out a hand to help him up, whether he needs it or not. “That work for you?”

“Yes, I think so.” Noh-Varr brushes himself off, rolls his neck to get rid of a few cricks, and then, on impulse, holds his hands out, silently asking for a hug. He won’t give her one without her express permission (there are a lot of things he doesn’t do without express permission anymore; he lost a lot ‘unspoken’ privileges when Kate made the breakup final, from small talk to surprise hugs to fiddling with her hair, and with the story he just heard, he’s more aware of Kate’s boundaries than ever), but he knows that this is the sort of thing that’s considered normal after a long talk about something like feelings.

“I don’t think you have to ask anymore, Noh.” Kate smiles at him, tired, and comes forward to hug him as tightly as she can. He wraps his arms around her, keeping one around her ribs and bringing one up to the back of her head (hug privileges reinstated or not, the waist is still probably off-limits).

They stay like that, swaying back and forth and just grounding themselves back in reality with each other, for fifteen minutes, long after the sky has grown dark and the noises of Brooklyn’s nightlife have begun to sound out.

“C’mon, space boy.” Kate pulls away and grabs his sleeve, pulling him along behind her. “Let’s make sure we look presentable before we leave, okay?”

o.o.o.o.o

They’re on a roof again, come Thanksgiving, but it’s not the roof in Brooklyn, the one that Barton owns, and the rest of the team is there too. Somehow, though, they both end up sitting on the edge of the building, legs dangling and drinks in hand, watching the skyline.

Avengers Tower has a nice view.

They’ve got some of their attention focused on the rest of the team, but mostly they’re just sitting and staring off into the city, not bothering to interact too much.

“We should have kidnapped Loki for this.” Kate finally says. “I mean, I don’t know what holidays an Asgardian celebrates, but this still would have been a good time to drag him back into hanging out with us again, whether he agreed to be on the team or not.”

“You’re worried.” Noh-Varr notes, though it’s not a new subject at all.

“Yeah,” Kate sighs heavily. Her fingers tap out a staccato rhythm against the wall. “I mean, I at least know how everyone else is doing, right? I’m in contact with the team, and I’m getting _some_ info from Mr. Lang, and Eli checks in at least once in a while, but Loki is just…”

“Refusing to have anything to do with us?” Noh-Varr suggests, halfway between snide and disappointed. Kate elbows him in the ribs, but not painfully so. “We have the news.”

“For all the good it does us.” Kate snorts, taking a swig from her bottle; some kind of cherry cola. “I mean, yeah, he was kind of an evil betraying shitlord—”

“I wouldn’t say evil,” Noh-Varr muttered, knowing that his commentary would be noted and ignored.

“—but seriously, we took you! And you legitimately tried to kill us once! Under mind control, yeah, but you did! And Tommy was in Juvie when we found him, and Nate was the future Kang, which, okay, that ended badly, but the point is that we kind of have a history of taking in potential supervillains and trying to turn them into superheroes instead!” Kate slaps her hand down on the wall, and Noh-Varr shrugs.

“Maybe that’s what he was afraid of. Isn’t that what he told David? That we were too nice, he was too manipulative, and he’d just end up taking advantage of us again?” Noh looks down at the street so far below, and wonders how long it would take for the bottle in his hand to fall all that way.

Too long, probably.

“Yeah,” Kate slumps over and leans against him. “I just… he always looked the youngest, acted the youngest, and I know his age was more or less one giant question mark, but… I always felt like we were kind of responsible for him, you know?”

“I know.” He does, he really does. Kate wasn’t the only one that felt strangely… _parental_ around Loki when the godling was still physically little more than a child.

“I just… the whole Loki situation is one big mess, and we don’t know whether he’s good or bad or what, but I just want him _back_ , dammit.” Kate drains her bottle and leans back to carefully drop it to the rooftop behind her. When she straightens back up, she pulls her sweater closer around her and shudders. “It’s too cold up here.”

Noh-Varr shrugs out of his jacket and offers it to her. “My body is more suited to varying temperatures than yours is, and my jumpsuit can compensate for them as well.”

“Thanks,” Kate pulls the jacket on over the one she’s already got on and shifts to move closer to him. She kicks her legs against the building for a few seconds, and then quietly asks, “So, were you the one that made the spinach puffs?”

“Ah, yes, I was.” Noh-Varr knows how to cook a lot of things by now; he’s been trying to learn a wider variety of dishes ever since, several years back, Annie had gotten on his case about eating garbage instead of actual food. The cooking had long since gone from something he was doing to learn to fit in with humans to a genuine, enjoyable hobby.

“Thought as much. You and Teddy are pretty much the only ones on the team that are any good with a stove. Might be a Kree thing?” The smile on her face makes it clear that the words are a joke, but Noh-Varr takes the compliment for what it is.

“Did you like them?”

“I’m not big on spinach, but these were tasty, so props to you for making something less-than palatable actually edible.” Weirdly phrased, again, but it’s still a compliment.

It’s nice.

Most of the evening is.

o.o.o.o.o

New Year’s rushes up on them like a tidal wave, and somehow, through some kind of divine interference (or David being nosey and digging up the right information), they even manage to wrangle Loki into coming. He does, of course, looking awkward and nervous and slightly terrified of _something_ , but he doesn’t run off and he doesn’t do anything overtly evil, and the friend he brings is utterly human and not impressed by _anything_ until she starts talking to David about something relating to theoretical physics. Noh-Varr is ninety percent sure that David actually called _her_ to get Loki here, but that’s neither here nor there. Loki’s there now, and he looks more or less okay, and that’s enough for the time being.

Kate even managed to talk Cassie and Eli into coming (or talked their parents into letting them come), with Noh and America playing taxi service and Cassie on a ‘text me every half hour at least’ leash from her mother, but they’re _there._

It’s strange, and it’s a lot smaller than last year’s party, but it’s got the team and it’s got music and it’s got food and all of that’s just what they need.

“Everyone’s here.” Kate says when she sidles up next to him somewhere in the middle, some fruity drink in her hand and a smile on her lips. There’s something sad about it, but there’s also something else…

“Everyone?” Noh-Varr questions quietly, because he knows he _shouldn’t_ , but it’s the natural path of the conversation. He knows what’s missing.

“No. We can’t get Jonas back and Nate’s never coming back, but… close enough.” She wraps her arm around his and leans her head against his shoulder. “She looks so _young_.”

“I know.” Noh-Varr thinks he might have heard something about the girl, Cassie, losing a few years, but even if she hadn’t, the feeling was there. The protective urge that came with age. “They all do.”

“I thought I’d stop feeling weirdly protective of the team after Loki became an adult.” Kate admitted, taking a sip from her drink. “Figures we’d get another baby for the team so soon.”

“A baby?”

“Look at her. She’s tiny.” Kate’s teasing, but her smile drops a little after a second. “I’m so much older than her now, though. I can’t connect to her the way I used to.”

“Haven’t you always been the oldest?” The question is unnecessary. He knows she has.

“Technically, yeah. Didn’t start feeling like it until last year, though.” Kate bites her lip. “I just… it always felt like us against the adults when we were younger. It tied us together. And I was always kind of the one that handled the organizational stuff, like money and costumes and a hideout, but it never… it never felt like I was _the_ grownup. Hell, half the time, I was just jealous that I couldn’t have my life as together as Billy and Teddy.”

“They don’t…” Noh-Varr trails off, because he’s not sure how to say what he’s trying to say, or even sure of what it is that he’s trying to say in the first place.

“I know. But getting engaged, back then, it seemed so much more than I could ever hope for, and they just got it done like that.” She snaps her fingers to illustrate her point. “And now here we all are, and we’re all growing up, but somehow it doesn’t… it feels like I’m just growing further away from them. I mean, Billy and Teddy are trying to work on degrees, and Tommy and David have jobs, and I have no idea what Loki’s doing, but it’s working out well enough for him, and it _feels_ like we should be on more even footing than before, but… it’s not.”

Noh-Varr doesn’t know how to respond to that.

Kate sighs and steps away from him, though her arm stays wrapped around his. “C’mon, let’s go join the others. This is all way to melancholy for New Year’s.”

She grabs another drink as she heads out for the floor, and Noh-Varr follows her.

The night proceeds as he expects, with awkwardness here and there (especially around Cassie and Eli and Loki and… whatever Loki’s guest’s name is), but overall fairly enjoyable. There’s a pleasant buzz of alcohol over most of the party-goers, one that he’s more or less immune to because of his own biology, but that he enjoys vicariously anyway. He manages to find himself behind the controls for the music at one point, switching out with David, and stays there at the computer for an hour or so, just enjoying the music and the environment in general. He sets up a playlist as midnight rolls up, and joins the others around a less-than-stellar TV to count down the New Year.

Then Kate tries to kiss him.

It’s sloppy and doesn’t quite reach him, just brushes his jawline, which is good, because he’s frozen in shock for the first second and then frantically noticing the alcohol on Kate’s breath and the width of her pupils the next.

He likes Kate, he does. He wants to get back together. He _wants_ to kiss her back.

But Kate is far, far out of the range of ‘sober enough to be in her right mind while trying to kiss him’ and he’s not going to take advantage of her. For one thing, it’s just a disgusting thing to do; consent is important in any interpersonal relationship, but especially in ones involving anything resembling sex or romance. For another, she would never forgive him, and would personally eviscerate him. Then Loki and Billy would bring him back to life and the rest of the team would take their turns destroying him.

(Well, they’d probably just limit it to slapping him for a single kiss, but the point is that violence will be waiting for him if he somehow ignores all sense of morality and tries to do something with Kate whilst she’s drunk.)

So he pulls away, gathers his wits about him as best he can, and says, “Maybe when you’re sober.”

“But New Year’s is _now_.” Kate says, and she’s stumbling a bit. Noh-Varr _knows_ that Kate can normally hold her liquor better, and has been near her during parties often enough to know that she’s got a very good sense of where her limits are, but it’s also New Year’s, as she tries to remind him.

“Yes. And we broke up over a year ago, and you’re drunk. If you still want to kiss me when you’re sober, we can… talk about it.” He doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He really doesn’t.

He scans the crowd, hoping to find someone willing to help him out as Kate tries to wheedle her way into getting a kiss (and judging by the hand on his waist, thumb fiddling with the waistband of his jeans, possibly more). Teddy and Billy are making out, and David and Tommy are grinding on each other, but America catches his eye and makes her way over.

“Hey, Princess, maybe you should go lie down on the couch for a bit.” America puts a hand on Kate’s shoulder and pulls her away, heading for the previously-mentioned couch, currently only occupied by Loki (and his human friend is on the armrest, but she’s not taking up any of the actual couch, so it doesn’t really matter).

Noh-Varr goes to the window and crawls out to sit on the outside wall, letting the cool air wash over him.

It’s going to be a long night.

o.o.o.o.o

He sees Kate the next day, during clean-up (it’s her apartment, and he _did_ offer). They avoid each other until everyone else is gone and Barton’s checked in to make sure nothing’s been destroyed by the teens, given that it’s his building. When the place is finally spotless, they each grab a coke (still silent), and take a seat on the couch.

“…Roof?” Kate asks, and it should disturb him how relieved he is to get back to a place he shouldn’t consider familiar but does, it really should, but he’s just desperate to get back to the open air.

“Yeah.”

The roof is covered in snow and cold as hell, but Noh’s ship is there and he can open up one of the doors and set up a force-field to keep the heat in but not obstruct the view, so he does that. He helps Kate up, and they relax as they watch the city move. Slowly, given, but it moves. It’s New York. Even today, of all days, things are moving.

“Thanks.” Kate says suddenly. “For… last night. I got a little carried away and I don’t really remember much, but America told me what happened.”

“I see.” He doesn’t try to elaborate or explain anything.

“I’m serious. You could have gotten away with a lot then, but you didn’t even try.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Kate. There’s no award for being a decent person. Not taking advantage of you just means that I’m not a monster. It doesn’t mean I deserve praise or thanks.” _Besides_ , his subconscious adds, _you’ve had enough taken from you._

“I guess. Doesn’t change the fact that I want to say thanks, though.” Kate hugs a knee up against her chest and watches the sun glint off the snow on the roof. “Still, after all that effort to make sure we stayed platonic… I kind of messed things up last night, huh?”

Noh-Varr shrugs and doesn’t look at her. “Are you planning on following up on any of it?”

“No. Not in the slightest.”

“Then I’m willing to pretend it never happened.”

“Thanks.”

“You did the same when I messed up.”

“I know.”

The conversation dies again, and Noh-Varr mentally issues a command to the computers to put some music on. None of his usual songs (too romantic), but something instrumental doesn’t seem too bad right about now.

“You know,” Kate starts after a few songs have passed, “I tried to go on a few dates after we broke up. Couple of one night stands. Nothing really clicked.”

Noh-Varr considers how to answer for a second. “That’s more than I did.”

“I figured. You haven’t really mentioned anything like that, so… yeah. I thought as much. You just talked about music and food and your guitar.” Kate takes a drink from the can of cola in her hand. “But it helped me realize some stuff.”

“Like?”

She shrugs. “I can’t do romance. It wasn’t something I could ever really put a pin on when I was younger, but it’s just gotten more and more obvious as I’ve gotten older. I’ve always known I’m straight when it comes to what I’m attracted to in terms of _sex_ , but romance just never really… clicked. Not with Eli or Tommy or even _you_ , and you were the longest stable relationship I’ve ever had.”

“So you think you’re incapable of romantic feelings?” Noh-Varr asks slowly, thinking over all the terminology he’s learned about human forms of attraction. He can’t remember the word. David probably would, but that’s because David knows everything (or close enough so as to make no difference).

“Not so much _incapable_ as just really… unlikely, I guess. Not unless I’ve known someone for a really long time, maybe.” She pauses. “Not yet. I think I’m capable of those feelings, just not… not yet. No one’s really managed to make me feel like that yet.”

Noh-Varr holds on to that thought for a second, and then lets it go as yet another sign that things just weren’t meant to be.

( _You’re still pining_ , part of his brain says to him. He ignores it, mostly because it’s true and he doesn’t need reminding.)

“I take it that the human language has developed a word for that as well?” They tended to do that.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll wait to figure out what the hell it is that I’m actually feeling before I try hunting down a word for it, though.” Kate takes another swig of her drink. “You got any confessions to make with the New Year, space boy?”

He thinks it over. He takes a couple minutes to think over everything he’s done and try to find a single thing that Kate _doesn’t_ know about already. They’ve talked about a lot of things over the past year. She knows almost everything.

( _You still love her._ )

He finally finds something, something suitably embarrassing that she doesn’t know about but that he’s willing to talk about.

“I shaved the beard because Oubliette mocked it.” He says, and ignores the stifled snort that Kate gives in return for the tidbit of information. “Or the fake Oubliette, in any case. I thought it was her at the time. All three of them tried to get into contact with me online.”

“And you paid attention to her because…?” Kate gestures vaguely. There’s still a smile on her face, though, so maybe it really has been long enough for her to not care anymore.

“Because she was the only one that made sense. Annie and I hadn’t ended on the best of terms, and yet she was being all… flirty, I suppose, and Merree…” He sucked in a breath, not wanting to dwell.

“Was supposed to be dead.” Kate’s voice is subdued, but she clearly remembers everything Noh-Varr told her, that night they’d regurgitated every broken part of themselves into the night air.

It feels so far away now.

“Yes. Oubliette was angry, though. She was flirty but also mocking, and it was familiar in a way that Annie and Merree’s attitudes weren’t.” He thinks back, trying to remember anything else. “She also shared a photo album with me.”

“Nudes?” Kate asks immediately, which, yeah, okay, that would have been awful.

“No.” He hesitates, and then decides to make the joke anyway. “Though given her normal attire, I don’t suppose it would have made much of a difference if they had been.”

Kate snorts. “Yeah, her outfit was a bit… skimpy. To be fair, most super’s are, but hers seemed a bit more… well, _bondage-y_ , to be honest.”

“I never got around to asking why.”

“I know.” Kate sends him a quick grin, and they go back to their usual routine.

Sit on Barton’s roof.

Drink some soda.

Watch the city.

o.o.o.o.o

Late January finds them on the roof again, on a suspiciously warm day. There isn’t any snow, which is good, because it means Kate’s less likely to slip while practicing cartwheels on the edge of the roof again.

(Noh’s following along on the wall a few feet below, just in case something goes wrong.)

“I think I’m good for today.” Kate calls down, plopping down to take her usual seat. “Get back up here, you promised you’d show me what you’d learned on the guitar.”

Noh-Varr winces as he makes his way back up, crouching down next to her. “That’s… maybe not the best idea.”

“Why not?”

“Most of the music I know is rather… it’s what Tommy would refer as ‘cheesy love songs,’” he admits.

Kate makes a face, like she’s not too convinced of the argument, but relents. “Know any pure instrumentals?”

“Well, yes. Not many, though.” He knows two.

“I’d be happy to hear those, then. If you’re willing to play for me, of course.”

Noh-Varr’s heard Kate play the cello. This can’t be much worse, right?

“I’ll see what I can do.” He runs off to the ship, grabs the acoustic from its place of honor, and gets back out to land next to Kate in less than five seconds.

(Tommy could have done it in less than one, but he’s not a healthy comparison to make.)

“So, what’s the first song you’ll be playing called, then?” Kate asks as he tunes the guitar up. She’s pulling her coat back on, the winter air already chilling her after the earlier exercises.

“Angie. The, ah, the Simon and Garfunkel cover. I heard it on a disk that Billy loaned me.” He finishes tuning and plays a few chords experimentally. “I’m not very good at it yet.”

“You’ve only been playing for a year. I’m not expecting any kind of virtuoso talent from you.” She sits down next to him, almost too close for comfort, but not quite, and pulls her knee up to her chest, one leg still dangling down below.

“I’ll try.” He shoots her a (totally not nervous) grin, and starts playing the song. It’s a difficult one, enough that he’s more absorbed in trying to make sure his fingers hit the right chords than in watching for some kind of reaction. As he finishes, he becomes aware of Kate’s gaze on him, and slowly turns to look at her. “…Scale of one to ten?”

“I’d say about… six and a half.” Kate’s blunt, but she knows music, knows string instruments, and the fact that he even did that well is good. “I haven’t heard the song before, but I heard a couple sour notes and off-beat ones as well, and you need to work on your finger placement a bit. I can tell that it’s a hard song, though, so all things considered, you’re doing pretty well.”

“I see.” His fingers are itching to play something else, but he can’t think of _what_. The other instrumental he knows is too depressing, and most of the music with lyrics is… no.

“You wanna know what I just realized?” Kate asks after a moment.

“Enlighten me.”

“I’m finally old enough to ironically sing ’22.’ You know, the Taylor Swift song? No point to feeling like you’re twenty-two if you _are._ ” She seems amused by this.

“There _is_ a sound system on the ship.” Noh-Varr reminds her. It’s stupid, but… “If you feel like playing various Taylor Swift songs and singing along,”

“Possibly irritating numerous passersby below,” Kate adds, her grin widening.

“Then the option is most certainly available.” Noh-Varr’s grin widens in mirror of hers, and a few seconds later, he’s up and running to set the last two or three Swift albums on shuffle and sing along to whatever comes out before he has to leave.

(Well, 22 is first, but the rest is on shuffle.)

They don’t get any complaints, but at least one or two teenagers climb out onto their fire escapes and holler along.

When ‘Blank Space’ comes on, Noh sings along mindlessly to the first few lines and then feels strangely _aware_ of the rest.

(It hits close to home.)

It doesn’t stop him from continuing to shout along with a grin on his face and Kate at his side.

The same happens to ‘We are Never Getting Back Together.’

And ‘I Knew You Were Trouble.’

And ‘The Story of Us.’

Quite a few of these songs, actually.

It’s all a bit strange.

He’s never really thought about them like that before.

When ‘Blank Space’ comes on for the second time and they take a break from singing (shouting) to go easy on their poor throats for a bit, Kate leans up against him and grabs his hand.

“It was worth it.” Kate says quietly, tracing the lines in his palm. His breath hitches. “Like, I’m listening to the words now to figure out why you got a little weird earlier, and that line? About whether the high was worth the pain or whatever? It was.”

“I suppose that means we went down in flames, then. Certainly wasn’t forever.”

“I guess. Though I’m not sure which of us had the long list of ex-lovers.” Kate grins up at him, clearly trying to break the tension.

“And you certainly made me good for far longer than a weekend.”

“Does that make me a nightmare dressed like a daydream?” She’s clearly trying not to laugh.

“You were never a nightmare.” He assures her.

“Yeah? What was I, then?” Kate’s question is joking, but Noh-Varr’s mind is already miles away and he’s not all there, thinking about things he should have given up plenty long ago.

“The best thing to ever happen to me.” He says it too softly, puts too much _feeling_ into it, breaks the giddy mood, for a second, and then realizes his mistake. His eyes widen. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry, Kate, that was—”

“That’s not—”

“I should… I should go.”

“Wait, Noh-Varr, st—”

He’s already in the ship and taking off.

o.o.o.o.o

It feels like a bad joke, getting invited to ~~Kate’s apartment~~ the roof of Barton’s building after the _disaster_ that was their last time hanging out. It’s not so much that he’s there at all…

It’s that he’s there on Valentine’s Day.

Kate’s waiting, same as usual, staring up at him with a hand shielding her eyes from the sun, regardless of the sunglasses she’s got on. She’s got on jeans and a jacket, and Lucky’s at her feet.

When he jumps out, she just jerks her head and says, “Come on, space boy. I’ve got pizza.”

So he follows her down to her room, much warmer than it is outside, and settles down on her couch. Kate puts on some random movie (‘Pacific Rim,’ specifically), and they settle back to watching in silence and chowing down on the pile of pizzas. Half an hour in, the oppressive silence finally overwhelms them.

“This doesn’t feel right.” Kate mutters. “When do we ever hang out down here? It’s always the roof.”

“We can stay down here.” Noh-Varr didn’t particularly care before, but by this point he’s gotten his seat rather well-warmed and is a little too comfortable to move. It was also a reasonably neutral topic to talk about without accidentally bringing up what he’d said last time (had he overreacted to his own words? He didn’t think so, but it wasn’t like there was a manual for this). “I’d like to watch the movie through to the end.”

Kate purses her lips for a second, but then flops back and sighs. “You’re right. I’m just… it’s a weird thing to feel antsy about.”

“Maybe a little.” Noh-Varr agrees, grabbing yet another slice of pizza. “I will warn you, I may end up cooking some more food for myself.”

“Probably should’ve bought more, I guess.” Kate glances at the two boxes on the table. She’d eaten two thirds of a pie on her own, but she’d underestimated Noh-Varr’s appetite.

“It’s fine. I have a few recipes I’ve been meaning to try.”

“Alright, but I’m sampling.”

“I never expected otherwise.”

When the movie’s over, Kate taps her fingers along her thigh and simply says, “So, unrealistic or not, I think we can agree that that was kind of awesome.”

“Yes. Yes, we can.” Noh-Varr doesn’t want to stand up, but at the same time, the room is starting to feel a bit… stuffy. Claustrophobic, almost. “Shall we go to the roof?”

“Yeah, let’s. C’mon, we can use the fire escape this time.” She tosses the boxes into the recycling pile and hauls herself out the window. “Hurry up, Noh!”

He follows her up slowly, though he does make the decision to walk up the wall instead of clambering up the stairs, hell on his abdominals or not. She rolls her eyes, but it’s good-natured.

They make it to the ship and do the usual routine of sitting just inside the door and watching the frozen city from behind the safety of a force-field.

Noh-Varr makes brownies.

There’s walnut chunks in them, something he hasn’t really tried before, but the taste and texture aren’t bad, and Kate seems to agree with them.

She leans up against his arm.

“I think Tommy took David to Paris.” He mentions, and Kate snorts.

“I figured. Teddy and Billy are in London, I think. Probably trying to get some pictures on Baker Street or next to a police box or something else that’s super nerdy like that.” She smiles. “Perfect Valentine’s Day for them.”

“And America took her girlfriend to Earth-212. The one where everything is New York.” Noh-Varr puts an entire brownie in his mouth and grins at Kate, stifling a laugh at her half-amused squeal of disgust.

“You’re _awful_.” She shoves against his shoulder. “Let’s see… I think Eli took his girlfriend to a baseball game. And Cassie’s just trying to avoid her mom and stepdad.”

“So she’s spending time with her father?” Noh’s pretty sure he extrapolated correctly.

“Hole in one.” Kate takes a bite out of her brownie and lets her eyes scan over the horizon. “Even Clint got into the spirit of things and tried to reserve a place at a fancy restaurant for him and Jess. He was too late, of course, so I had to bluff my way into getting it for him, but he did it.”

“That everyone?” Noh-Varr asks.

“Well, we still haven’t gotten a replacement body for Jonas, or even permission to rebuild him ‘cause Stark’s being a dick and holding the back-ups hostage for some reason.” Kate ticks up one finger, face squirmed up into an expression of distaste. “Nate’s not in our time and I don’t _care_ what he’s doing, and Loki’s… I just don’t _know_ what he’s doing.”

“I believe he said something about visiting Jersey to see how a pair of teens he tried to set up last year are doing.” Noh offers.

“You’re joking.”

“One of them is the new Ms. Marvel that popped up a year and a half ago.” He adds, grinning.

“Ugh, Loki, _why.”_ Kate drops her head into her hands, an exasperated grin on her face. She sighs and pulls her head back up, propping her chin up in her hands. “Guess that just leaves us here, doing the same damn thing we always do.”

“I’d say that’s good enough.”

“It is.” Kate goes quiet, pensive even. It makes Noh-Varr a little nervous.

“Kate, if this is about what I said last time—”

“It’s not! Or at least… not the way you think? Urgh, I’m bad at this.” Kate doesn’t look at him. There’s a brownie spinning through her fingers. “Okay, so, here’s the thing: we know what went wrong last time. Not just you trying to get back together with Oubliette and all that, but all the… under the surface stuff, too. Both our issues, and a lot of… well, a lack of communication, mostly. Right?”

“Kate?”

“Just… right?”

“I think so, but…” He trails off as Kate brings a hand up, asking for just a bit longer.

“It’s… honestly, it’s a stupid time to ask about this, because it puts unnecessary pressure on you, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and…” Kate takes a deep breath. “Listen, if it’s alright with you, I want to give it another shot. You and me. I can’t make any promises on the whole romance thing, but we’re both in a healthier place to try for a relationship than we were before. So if you’re up for it… yeah. I want to try again.”

Noh-Varr feels like he might have forgotten how to breathe.

“Noh?” Kate looks worried. Worried for him? Worried that she said something wrong? Worried that he’d say no?

“Are…” Noh-Varr takes a deep breath. “Are you serious about this?”

“I… yeah. I am. I’m serious about this. I’m… asking you out? I guess?” Kate bites her lip. “So is that a yes?”

Noh-Varr takes a moment to weigh his options.

There’s really no contest.

“Yes, it is.”

The smile on Kate’s face, both relieved and basically _overflowing_ with happiness, is enough that he (slowly enough for her to move away if she’s not okay with it) swoops forward and down and presses his lips to hers. They’re just as soft as he remembers, even in this weather.

She returns the kiss, but she doesn’t deepen it the way she would have just a year ago. There’s still passion, yes, but it’s… tempered. By time and age and experiences, by everything they’ve learned, about themselves and the world and each other, in the year and change since they last did this. It’s not the kiss that they would have had before, driven in equal parts by lust, familiarity, and desperation.

It’s not the kiss they would have had a year and change ago.

It’s better.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few things I feel I might need to explain about this fic, mostly in order:
> 
> If you think the romance was unrealistic, that's probably because I'm an aroace girl that's never been on a date and gets all her understandings of romance from media and analyzing the people around her.
> 
> A large portion of Noh-Varr's hesitation to do or say anything romantic around Kate is due to the (entirely reasonable) irritation or anger that he thinks she might show if he does so. He did something _incredibly_ stupid during that final battle with Mother, and he's plenty aware of it. He and Kate are both pretty clear on the fact that it was all his fault they broke up, and while Kate is willing to pretend nothing happened, it's going to be kind of hard if Noh-Varr keeps trying to do romantic things, which is something he obviously spends a lot of effort trying to avoid.
> 
> Overall, I feel like Kate and Noh-Varr's relationship _could_ have plausibly worked out the first time around if there weren't so many things speeding them along (e.g. the whole Mother situation). However, all the outside pressure kept their relationship rather... not shallow, quite, but not quite at the point where they spent a lot of time talking about their pasts. The present and future, yes, but not the past. And that lack of communication was one of the main parts of relationship that I felt could be a weak link. There were personal issues as well, like Kate's trouble with relationships and romance in general, and Noh's difficulty with letting go of the past, but at the heart of it was that there was some crucial element missing from their communication. Every ship has difficulties, no matter how little or much they've spoken (I could go on and on about Kate ships, but this isn't the place for that). But the point I was trying to make with this story was that there was great potential, but they missed something during their first shot at it, and could do much better if they were given another chance (and a desire to repeat, which is the main reason I don't expect them to get back together in canon; Kate simply doesn't seem interested in dating at the moment, let alone dating an ex).
> 
> I'm fond of ThinkFast (Tommy/David) and, as with most of the fandom, Wickling (Teddy/Billy), so while I could have done without including them, I preferred to add them in.
> 
> I feel like Clint wouldn't approve of Noh-Varr completely, but would trust Kate's judgement enough to just let them be until something proves her wrong.
> 
> I have nothing against Clint and America, but Kate needs to talk to someone outside the core YA team, and Clint is still dealing with the fallout from the end of Hawkeye Volume 4, and America is... well, you can look at the reasons that Kate provides. Cassie's return also provided me with a decent source of angst that didn't rely on killing, injuring, or otherwise causing some form of harm to another character, and allowed Noh-Varr insight into Kate's previous relationships and what her life was like before he met her.
> 
> I am going to say here that I don't know much about Noh-Varr's time between Secret Invasion and when he meets Kate. I'm aware that he was not entirely knowingly involved in some Kree plot that may have resulted in the destruction of the Earth, and that he dated Annie during that time. Please forgive any mistakes on that front.
> 
> One of the many ways I imagined Kate and Noh-Varr bonding during the canon timeline was over their status as the oldest of the Young Avengers. The sensation of needing to protect those younger than them was one that I imagine them both having and I tried to illustrate that during the Thanksgiving scene and the first half of the New Year's party.
> 
> I was a bit iffy about writing the second half of the New Year's scene, but I felt that consent needed to be addressed, given how much controversy there is about the mind control saliva (for good reason, and I wish I could have addressed it here, but it didn't really fit in anywhere, so just imagine that discussion happened off-screen).  
> Also, while I could have plausibly involved other characters in the party, I wanted to keep it to just the Young Avengers. (Verity, unfortunately, is by this point a bit of a security blanket for Loki when it comes to situations where he has to deal with people he wants to be on good terms with, but has bad history with, is scared he'll manipulate, or both. So she had to be there.)
> 
> One of the big things I wanted to include in this fic was Kate's potential position on the aromantic spectrum. I'm not quite sure where she'd fall, but I definitely wanted to address it, given how odd some of her actions in canon seem sometimes.
> 
> I'm sorry about the Taylor Swift. Too many fit. I guess that's the point, though.
> 
> The brownies don't have any pot.
> 
> If you liked the fic, please leave a review.


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